Thursday August 9th 2018 - Day 2521 - Up the A538

Following weeks of excitement and anticipation, I am pleased to report that yesterday at 5.39pm (9.39am LA time), Our Mozzer gave birth to a new parody piece, and it was quite a whopper, weighing in at approximately 2,500 words.

The title of the new parody; which I should add at this point is hilariously funny, is The AA Meeting - Artistic Alliance, and is set at "Morrissey mansions - on a dirt road just off the A538."

The main theme to the parody is a meeting between Our Mozzer and Barking Billy - a parody Billy Bragg.

BARKING BILLY

Rather surprisingly I am included in the parody, coming in for much ridicule, but as; Boz, Michael 'Mikey' Bracewell, Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand, Amanda Holden, Morrissey's mother and Morrissey himself also come in for ridicule, I am in good company and deeply honoured to have a part.

"PILLOWS AS FLAT AS AMANDA HOLDEN'S INTELLECT"

I am quite touched that early on in the parody Morrissey states about me, "I think Mam has taken a liking to him", but it quickly goes downhill for me when he then adds, "She lets him in and gives him my leftovers. He never eats them, just simply stores them in his coat pocket."

 

MAM - LIKES ME..... ALTHOUGH PROBABLY FOR NOT MUCH LONGER FOLLOWING THE USE OF THIS CALIPER-LEGGED PHOTO

There are many, many great lines in the parody, and also many subtle additions, such as the inclusion of a French table; which Morrissey tries to insist to Barking Billy is from Dagenham, and Morrissey's mother stating that she needs new curtains, which is a nod to the James Maker statement about the curtaining in the film England is Mine.

Here are five of my favourite bits:

1) Morrissey: Actually Billy, it's Leeds glass, it costs more, but I do support the British workers you understand, that's why tickets to my religious conversion events are so cheaply priced. Please excuse my bad manners, actually do not, but I must go and change. Please make yourself at home. Although I have seen your home, stand right where you are and do not move.

2) Billy: Shall we start? You first to we could both lay down our pieces at the same time. That's socialism!

Morrissey: That's idiotic. I shall go first. Genius and beauty before.... A c*nt.

3) Morrissey looks at Billy with a smug smile that hides nothing and shows condescending intellect.

4) Boz: Sir, that's only a two letter word.

Morrissey: I know Boz, but in my hands a two letter word is worth more than a seven letter word in yours.

5) Billy: Is this some kind of sick joke?

Morrissey: I didn't bring up your recording career now did I?

The parody does have flaws, with the main one being Barking Billy's use of the word Adolf in the parody Scrabble game - every schoolboy will tell you that you can't use names in Scrabble, although I guess for comedic purposes, such things can be ignored...... actually, forget that comment about every schoolboy knowing the rules of Scrabble, school kids these days wouldn't have a clue how to play Scrabble - they all use auto spell correct, so what would they know of a spelling game! I blame Tony Blair.

TONY BLAIR - TO BLAME FOR MOST THINGS

Following the publication of the parody, there was positive feedback posted on Twitter by the Dreary Deluded Dozen, with Mai (@poppyellison1 - a new addition to our little group) tweeting, "the funniest thing you'll ever read", to which Morrissey (as Alf) wittingly replied, "Apart from.... List of the Lost."

Morrissey also tweeted, "The blog has a viewer from Iraq. Is it, per chance, because I mentioned Isis?", before humorously then adding, "I am a 21st century Salman Rushdie".

SALMAN RUSHDIE  - WHO IN 1989 HAD A FATWA ISSUED ON HIM BY AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI 

I replied to OM's tweet about being the 21st century Rushdie by saying, "This made me laugh as much as the parody", to which he replied, "Well I need not have bothered writing it then."

I pointed out that a two minute pop sing can be enjoyed just as much as a whole musical, to which M replied, "More so I imagine."

I then suggested to Our Mozzer that perhaps his next LP should try and provoke someone into issuing a fatwa against him, suggesting it would be great PR, and that possible death is a small price to pay for extra sales. M replied, "You have seen straight though my business strategy."

I then suggested calling the LP The Satanic Choruses, which obviously tickled old Mozzer, as he replied, "Now that was funnier than the parody." 

I hadn't actually gotten to read the new parody until after 8pm last night as I had been away from the internet, but although it had been live for nearly three hours by the time I saw it, only two comments had been posted. Morrissey was obviously slightly peeved at the lack of adoration for his hard work, and was particularly annoyed at my lack of fawning. In my absence, Mozzer took to the toilets of The Wrong Arms and tweeted to me, "You're missing the parody. It will be taken down in two hours."

Luckily I logged on before the two hours was up, and left a comment straight away, although my comment was obviously not fawning enough as I received another Twitter DM which read, "Not worth the virtual paper it was scribbled on."

I asked if the parody was a solo effort, as it has an air of Gervais and Brand about it, but M assured me that it was all his own work, stating, "Yes. However for what truth is worth I only really commenced the writing today."

I pointed out the as the parody was published at 9.39am (LA time), I didn't believe that the writing had taken place that day, to which he replied, "One stretches the truth to suit ones narrative."  - that Judge Weeks was right, you know, you can't believe a bleedin' word he says!





Morrissey has made a couple of other recent appearances in the toilets of The Wrong Arms. On Monday he dragged me in to chastise me for the poor formatting of my blog entry of that day, which had his parody snippet bunched together as one long piece (now corrected!). I apologised for my incompetence and bemoaned the fact that none of the regulars had told me of my embarrassing error. Morrissey replied, "Only you and I are here. Wherever here is."

Morrissey again paid a visit to the toilets of The Arms at 2.15am yesterday morning (6.15pm Tuesday in LA) to tell me that, "Logistical issues surface once again", but he didn't explain what he meant. I have a feeling that perhaps Moz was referring to a concert, or more specifically Tropicalia Fest - a festival in California in November. If the logistical issues tweet was in reference to this, the issues must have gotten themselves resolved, because six hours later the official Morrissey Twitter account tweeted a poster of the Festival, which he is to headline in November. 

Morrissey also made another return to the toilets of The Arms yesterday evening. We chatted about the new parody and one or two other bits of nothingness which I won't bother to repeat here, but M did give a quote about patience, saying that, "it's seldom found in man" and also told me that following the publication of the parody yesterday morning (LA morning that is), he had, "written much more since then". I don't think he meant parody writing, so what it is he has written, one can only guess.



As both myself and Amanda Holden had been mentioned in the new parody piece, I dug out an old photo of me with her from 2007 and posted it on Twitter at 12.30 this afternoon. Despite it being 4.30am in LA, Morrissey surprisingly appeared in the Wrong Arms to post the following amusing comment to the photo:

"A combined IQ of 27."

The question on everyones lips is, why on earth was Morrissey awake and on Twitter at 4.30am? The answer, of course, is it couldn't possibly have been the real Morrissey, as he would NEVER do such a thing, so it looks as if Uncle Skinny and Sharon the pilates woman were right after all, and the fake Moz really has been me all along! Have I tripped myself up by forgetting the time differences in my desperate attempt to make people laugh? I'd better get out of here fast before I'm lynched by the dreary deluded dozen people that I have managed to hoodwink - incidentally, at the time of writing this, exactly twelve people have left comment on the latest True Morrissey parody, so it really is a dreary deluded dozen.

So then, who can I go and parody now? Perhaps I could be Amanda Holden again - which is where I came in.