Sunday November 4th 2018 - Day 2607 Eyes Down - A parody
As mentioned in my previous blog entry, at 3.42am (LA time) on Thursday, Broken posted a new parody in the comments section of Day 2598. There were instructions for me to, "insert appropriate photographs throughout" and to "correct the typos".
As I was away from home on a mini tour of North East England, I was unable to carry out Broken's instructions, but I am now home, so here it is. There are plenty of other things I want to blog about, but they will have to wait until tomorrow. Incidentally, there were LOTS of typos to correct.... well I guess it was written in the middle of the night!
The scene takes place in Morrissey's hotel room.
Mikey: It's simply wonderful to see a new release in the offing, Morr-ee-say *extends pinkie and sips cup of Ceylon*
Our Mozzer: Yes, quite mesmerizing, I think you meant.. *sticks tongue in cheek, rolls eyes, smiles at Mam*
Mam : *nods silently, sips tea*
Boz Boorer: ...Yes, sire, mesmerising is the correct word, which Mikey should know by now, sir... he never was one for using one word where four will do... *gazes pityingly at the former novelist* ... unlike your pithy and concise novel, sir, which was mesmerisingly fascinating ...
Our Mozzer : *smiles thinly, looks concerned*
Boz Boorer:... and yet had that... that.. you know, sire...
Our Mozzer: ...that enigmatic otherness factor, Martin?
Boz Boorer: That's the stuff, sir.. I say.. quite right, sir, I say, quite right... it had that pneumatic otherness factor, that's for certain, sir... it was so pneumatic I had to have me fingerless gloves on to protect me from industrial white finger, sir..
Mikey Bracewell: *shakes his head and sips his tea silently*
Mam: *searches for XTra Strong mints in her handbag*
Mikey Bracewell: You know-
Our Mozzer: -Be quiet, Mikey. I'm concentrating...
Mikey Bracewell: On what, Morr-ee-say?
Our Mozzer: On Boz's future earnings...
Boz Boorer: *gulps*
Mam: *eats a mint* Oh be nice to him, Steven, he's the only one you have left from your lovely Vauxhall album... my favourite of Steven's albums..
Our Mozzer: *blushes, smirks*
Mikey Bracewell: *nods forlornly*
Boz Boorer: No, no, no... as any Morrissey fan will tell you, the latest one is the best... Low In High School was quite simply a work of genius.. just like List of the Lost.. that neither of them made any sense only adds to the pneumatic otherness factor and confuses journalists... yes, his latest works are his greatest, and I dont care what journalists, his fans, Solow, Kitty Empire or even Mam says.. you're wrong Mam, completely wrong, isn't she, sir? Wrong as a goldfish swimming in the wrong direction... wrong as a necklace... wrong as a...
Our Mozzer: Boz have I ever told you how useless you are?
Boz Boorer: Now you mention it, sir...
Our Mozzer: Shut up you tedious meat eating c***
Mam: *glowers at Our Mozzer*
Our Mozzer: Sorry, mam. I meant to call him a tedious pain au raisin eating c***
Mam: *nods*
Our Mozzer: *claps hands together theatrically* Chop! Chop!
*In trots Guztavo Manzur holding a tray of pain au raisin with a plastic lid keeping them warm stamped with 'property of Co-Op'*
Guztavo: *leans towards Our Mozzer, and bows* They're shop fresh, sir.. untouched by... *he gazes at Boz* prying hands, sir..
Boz Boorer *looks away and fumbles with his pockets. Out falls a pain au raisin*
Our Mozzer: Boz, remember when I trusted you to pen such classics as Now My Heart is Full? These days I can't even rely upon you to serve my shop warm Co-Op pastries. How the mighty have fallen, Boz.
Boz Boorer : Sir, I will redouble my efforts, sir, at the double, sire, immediately, sir.. *Boz stands to attention and salutes*
Our Mozzer: His eyes close slightly, licks his upper lip*
Boz Boorer: Our Mozzer won't sack me, never, I say, never! Never, ever. Me? Noooo, never I tell you, not in a month of Sundays. Don't panic! Don't panic! Mozzer might sack his musical director! Don't panic!...
Our Mozzer: *nibbles on pain au raisin, closes his eyes, sighs softly*
Mikey: Is it good, Morr-ee-say?
Our Mozzer: Good? Good?! This is FRESH from the Co-Op... served in a Co-Op tray and heat cover NOT stolen by Martin Boorer... is it GOOD HE ASKS... *the seminal artiste closes his eyes, shakes his head and takes another bite...*
Mam: I've always said if it's not from the Co-Op, I'm not interested.
Our Mozzer: *smiles at Mam and then slaps Gustavo Manzur.. * No eye contact before noon, you know the rules by now old son.
Boz Boorer: *stands to attention* Cardinal error, old son.. that's two... weeks *gazes at the iconic star*.. no, sorry that's two months wages docked...
Guztavo Manzur: I plea clemency, Sire.
Boz Boorer: Clemency my arse. Decision final.. f*** off old son ..
Guztavo: *pleading* But Morr-ee-say I love you and this job and have loved ones to feed..
Our Mozzer: It's out of my hands, old friend. Believe me, my heart simply bleeds.. but the rules IS the rules...
Boz Boorer: *rolls forward on his steel toecaps* .. is the rules... where would we be without rules? Anarchy... now here's your fixed penalty notice, Guz... You can always appeal it..
Guztavo: How may I appeal?
Boz Boorer: There are procedures, old son.. the rules is the rules...
Guztavo: I appeal!
Our Mozzer: *shakes his head softly...*
Boz Boorer: This one's trying to appeal sire...
Our Mozzer: *nods amd smiles*
Boz Boorer: Appeals court 1 procedure 2b sir?
Our Mozzer : Yes old friend..
Boz Boorer: *hits speed dial*.. Broken old son.. its Boz... no not that Boz.. Boorer... now no need to swear old son.. yes, no, yes, yes... of course sir.. yes sir. Moz has got an appeal here over a fine... Haha yes its his first ever appeal.... yes we're implementing emergemcy procedure 2b.. yes sir that's the monopoly challenge where the appealant plays monopoly against Moz... yes... yes the one where you're the bank old son... yes and the appealant has his mouth taped shut throughout so he can't pick up rents owing.. yes.. oh yes sir we will be able to sort out some free Lady Gaga tickets for you...
Our Mozzer : *places his hands over Guztavo's ears* There are some things one should NOT hear! Lady Gaga indeed..!
Mam: Steven that's funny son!
Mikey: *titters*
Boz Boorer: *hangs up the phone* Appeal by monopoly, 5pm Greenwich Meantime. *He turns and salutes Morr-ee-say, clicks his heels together and marches out, holding Gustavo Manzur in a headlock by his side*
As I was away from home on a mini tour of North East England, I was unable to carry out Broken's instructions, but I am now home, so here it is. There are plenty of other things I want to blog about, but they will have to wait until tomorrow. Incidentally, there were LOTS of typos to correct.... well I guess it was written in the middle of the night!
The scene takes place in Morrissey's hotel room.
Mikey: It's simply wonderful to see a new release in the offing, Morr-ee-say *extends pinkie and sips cup of Ceylon*
Our Mozzer: Yes, quite mesmerizing, I think you meant.. *sticks tongue in cheek, rolls eyes, smiles at Mam*
Mam : *nods silently, sips tea*
Boz Boorer: ...Yes, sire, mesmerising is the correct word, which Mikey should know by now, sir... he never was one for using one word where four will do... *gazes pityingly at the former novelist* ... unlike your pithy and concise novel, sir, which was mesmerisingly fascinating ...
Our Mozzer : *smiles thinly, looks concerned*
Boz Boorer:... and yet had that... that.. you know, sire...
Our Mozzer: ...that enigmatic otherness factor, Martin?
Boz Boorer: That's the stuff, sir.. I say.. quite right, sir, I say, quite right... it had that pneumatic otherness factor, that's for certain, sir... it was so pneumatic I had to have me fingerless gloves on to protect me from industrial white finger, sir..
Mikey Bracewell: *shakes his head and sips his tea silently*
Mam: *searches for XTra Strong mints in her handbag*
Mikey Bracewell: You know-
Our Mozzer: -Be quiet, Mikey. I'm concentrating...
Mikey Bracewell: On what, Morr-ee-say?
Our Mozzer: On Boz's future earnings...
Boz Boorer: *gulps*
Mam: *eats a mint* Oh be nice to him, Steven, he's the only one you have left from your lovely Vauxhall album... my favourite of Steven's albums..
Our Mozzer: *blushes, smirks*
Mikey Bracewell: *nods forlornly*
Boz Boorer: No, no, no... as any Morrissey fan will tell you, the latest one is the best... Low In High School was quite simply a work of genius.. just like List of the Lost.. that neither of them made any sense only adds to the pneumatic otherness factor and confuses journalists... yes, his latest works are his greatest, and I dont care what journalists, his fans, Solow, Kitty Empire or even Mam says.. you're wrong Mam, completely wrong, isn't she, sir? Wrong as a goldfish swimming in the wrong direction... wrong as a necklace... wrong as a...
Our Mozzer: Boz have I ever told you how useless you are?
Boz Boorer: Now you mention it, sir...
Our Mozzer: Shut up you tedious meat eating c***
Mam: *glowers at Our Mozzer*
Our Mozzer: Sorry, mam. I meant to call him a tedious pain au raisin eating c***
Mam: *nods*
Our Mozzer: *claps hands together theatrically* Chop! Chop!
*In trots Guztavo Manzur holding a tray of pain au raisin with a plastic lid keeping them warm stamped with 'property of Co-Op'*
Guztavo: *leans towards Our Mozzer, and bows* They're shop fresh, sir.. untouched by... *he gazes at Boz* prying hands, sir..
Boz Boorer *looks away and fumbles with his pockets. Out falls a pain au raisin*
Our Mozzer: Boz, remember when I trusted you to pen such classics as Now My Heart is Full? These days I can't even rely upon you to serve my shop warm Co-Op pastries. How the mighty have fallen, Boz.
Boz Boorer : Sir, I will redouble my efforts, sir, at the double, sire, immediately, sir.. *Boz stands to attention and salutes*
Our Mozzer: His eyes close slightly, licks his upper lip*
Boz Boorer: Our Mozzer won't sack me, never, I say, never! Never, ever. Me? Noooo, never I tell you, not in a month of Sundays. Don't panic! Don't panic! Mozzer might sack his musical director! Don't panic!...
Our Mozzer: *nibbles on pain au raisin, closes his eyes, sighs softly*
Mikey: Is it good, Morr-ee-say?
Our Mozzer: Good? Good?! This is FRESH from the Co-Op... served in a Co-Op tray and heat cover NOT stolen by Martin Boorer... is it GOOD HE ASKS... *the seminal artiste closes his eyes, shakes his head and takes another bite...*
Mam: I've always said if it's not from the Co-Op, I'm not interested.
Our Mozzer: *smiles at Mam and then slaps Gustavo Manzur.. * No eye contact before noon, you know the rules by now old son.
Boz Boorer: *stands to attention* Cardinal error, old son.. that's two... weeks *gazes at the iconic star*.. no, sorry that's two months wages docked...
Guztavo Manzur: I plea clemency, Sire.
Boz Boorer: Clemency my arse. Decision final.. f*** off old son ..
Guztavo: *pleading* But Morr-ee-say I love you and this job and have loved ones to feed..
Our Mozzer: It's out of my hands, old friend. Believe me, my heart simply bleeds.. but the rules IS the rules...
Boz Boorer: *rolls forward on his steel toecaps* .. is the rules... where would we be without rules? Anarchy... now here's your fixed penalty notice, Guz... You can always appeal it..
Guztavo: How may I appeal?
Boz Boorer: There are procedures, old son.. the rules is the rules...
Guztavo: I appeal!
Our Mozzer: *shakes his head softly...*
Boz Boorer: This one's trying to appeal sire...
Our Mozzer: *nods amd smiles*
Boz Boorer: Appeals court 1 procedure 2b sir?
Our Mozzer : Yes old friend..
Boz Boorer: *hits speed dial*.. Broken old son.. its Boz... no not that Boz.. Boorer... now no need to swear old son.. yes, no, yes, yes... of course sir.. yes sir. Moz has got an appeal here over a fine... Haha yes its his first ever appeal.... yes we're implementing emergemcy procedure 2b.. yes sir that's the monopoly challenge where the appealant plays monopoly against Moz... yes... yes the one where you're the bank old son... yes and the appealant has his mouth taped shut throughout so he can't pick up rents owing.. yes.. oh yes sir we will be able to sort out some free Lady Gaga tickets for you...
Our Mozzer : *places his hands over Guztavo's ears* There are some things one should NOT hear! Lady Gaga indeed..!
Mam: Steven that's funny son!
Mikey: *titters*
Boz Boorer: *hangs up the phone* Appeal by monopoly, 5pm Greenwich Meantime. *He turns and salutes Morr-ee-say, clicks his heels together and marches out, holding Gustavo Manzur in a headlock by his side*
Comments
Post a Comment